Pacer Jokes: Sports Jokes

What's the difference between the Detroit Lions and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.


Eli Manning was at an Italian restaurant ordering a pizza.  He asked how many toppings he could have.  The waiter replied, "You can pick six."


The best thing about dating woman who is a Detroit Lions fan- you know she’s not looking for a ring.


What do the New York Jets and possums have in common? Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.


What do Eli Manning and Billy Graham have in common? They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ!”


What does a Carolina Panthers fan do when his team wins the Super Bowl? He turns off the PlayStation.


Did you hear that Detroit Lions football team doesn't have a website? They can't string three "Ws" together.


Why doesn't Toledo have a professional football team? Because then Cleveland would want one too.


I set my DVR for “The Biggest Loser.”  It keeps recording Jacksonville Jaguar games.


Did you hear about the man who died, and in his last wishes, he wrote that he wanted players from the Cleveland Browns to be his pall bearers? He wanted the team to let him down one last time.


What do you get when you mix Gatorade with water? A Gatorita.


What should someone do to recover from an addiction to running? Obviously a twelve-step program is not appropriate.


My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right—I feel ten years older already.


I was a boxer when I was younger.  They used to call me "The Artist” because I spent so much time on the canvas.


One day a man finds a magic lamp. He rubs the lamp and the genie pops out. The genie says she can grant the man one wish. The man says he’d like to live forever. The genie says he’s sorry he’s not authorized to grant that type of wish. The man thinks for a moment and then he says “Okay, I’d like to live until the Cleveland Browns win the Super Bowl.”


How many Dallas Cowboys does it take to change a tire? One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up.


Why can't you play football in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs.


Where do football players go shopping in the offseason? The tackle shop.


What does a hockey player and a magician have in common? Both do hat tricks.


Why do grasshoppers not go to many hockey games? They prefer cricket matches.


Why should you never marry a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them.